Have been really extremely busy over the last week what with Homecoming Day
and staying back to oversee marching training. I am now officialy two tones darker and THAT is saying something considering I am already dark enough for a Chinese.
Should be focusing more on my studies with the trials coming up but I always seem to find something else to do ( this rant is one of them ) .
Even though its a school day, followed mum over to the island to meet up with bf and had a little shopping spree. Got myself a pair of red navy shorts and a Roxy blouse. I dont know if its because I've been moving around so much
but I have been having this binging streak all week.
I JUST CANT STOP EATING! For example. I had baked pasta, mushroom pies, vienna sausages, and egg tarts for dinner alone.
Thats actually pretty much for the average asian...here.
Which brings me to the main point of my post today.
I am officially gaining weight. I wish I could say " I dont give a damn about my weight because I eat what I want whenever I want! "
Well.. actually I do anyway but thats not the point!
The point is the time has come and gone when I could practically eat anything and not gain a single pound. Nowadays when I binge. I gain weight.
And that brings me to my question..
Should I care? Its like so many different thoughts pass through my mind everytime this question comes up. 1. " You are not fat! It doesnt matter if you gain a few pounds.. No one ever notices..right? ..I mean when Teng lee says youre fat..he's just joking..right??"
This is the logical part of me talking. I know I'm not fat . But I just cant help thinking..
maybe I dont see myself as fat. But others might. And it does NOT help that everyday
I practically hear my friends goin on and on about how fat they are ( they're not ).
What I see in tabloids and tv doesnt have any profound effect on me..really.
Its the people in life around me that do. Like if they think they're fat..when we're almost of the same build.. Does that say the same for me?
2. " Suppress the urge! How else will you look fab in that bodycon dress.?"
Ahh... the ever urging need for that flat tummy. You see being a chinese living in a typical chinese community subjects you to eating rice in the morning... for lunch... for dinner.. Its rice rice and more rice! Granted its actually healthier than that junk that you see everytime on American shows
( you know its true )
but it comes with a slight disadvantage. You'll never be able to supress that tummy. Unless you work out that is.
And me..being me.. working out isnt for me. At least not for now when I barely have time for myself due to trials. Back to topic!
I have many many MANY amazing dresses waiting for me in my closet but I refuse to wear them.
Its not that they dont fit. I just have this undying fear of my tummy sticking out like Father Christmas after cookies and milk.
3. " The healthcare people practically shoved it into ur face that you're fat. Stop eating.! "
Alas when i was in Singapore 2 months prior to this. I actually got approached by two young ladies working at Herbalife who wanted to do a healthy survey. Me being the naive git that I am agreed.
They weighed me, took my height, my BMI and my body fat per mass index.
The conclusion : " Hmm.. You weigh 42 kg but your actual weight should be..38 kg. A little bit heavy huh. "
38 freaking kg! These people are trying to kill me! Logic me says that they are trying to scam you into buying their products by making you feel fat. But..but..they had machines and all.. Oh screw it.
4. " You're not gonna look that pretty if you're not skinny "
Yes hit me with an iron rod for even thinking this. Because I would to you if it was you. 5. " Fuck the world. Im beautiful "
And this is me at my best. When Im assured that it doesnt matter or not whether I have flabby arms or a tummy.
Problem is it lasts considerably shorter than thoughts 1,2, 3 and 4.
( this paragraph is proof ) By the end of the day, when Im in my jammies are nerd glasses.. when I can walk around looking like a she-male with hair that would shame Medusa.. I do think to myself. Fuck the world.. i'm beautiful just the way i am.
and the next day the cycle begins again but lets just leave it at that =) 
During St. Anne's Festival. Meng Wah has a tendency to do weird things. In this instance, soaking his shirt with sweat that shapes up like a hidden Mickey. 
Duting the Extreme Treasure Hunt with Scouts and Rangers.
Jean and I. And you can never say never.
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